Thursday, August 27, 2009

Batman pt. 2

It's 3rd grade and I desperately want to be cool and fit in. I'm a chubby kid ("husky" as they say in 1989). Spencer is the star of the class. He's one of those kids that hit puberty way too early. A foot taller than everyone; starts shaving at 10. He looked like Magnum P.I. in third grade!
Spencer frequently brings in music that no of us are supposed to listen to. 2 Live Crew is his choice of the day. He's passing around the tape and mentions how he wishes he had the Batman Soundtrack. All the other guys agree in unison! And then I say it, "I have the Batman tape." What did I just say? I see respect in everyone's eyes for the first time as they turn to me with envy. And then the fateful phrase uttered from Spencer's caveman lips, "Bring it in." "Oh sure, sure. Maybe next week," I say. "Tomorrow."
What else am I supposed to do--I bring it in the next day.
Now I wasn't a stupid kid, just a bit naive. To me, a Batman tape with a cool Batman song and an actor voicing the words to an attached comic book was the coolest thing. To a kid that was throwing around 2 Live Crew and Guns N' Roses, that was lamer than bringing in a signed autograph from Mr. Belvedere.
The disappointment on their faces was evident. The worst part though was how Spencer just dismissed me from then on. I'd never be cool in his eyes.
Flash forward 20 years--he's in jail now, and I just bought the Batman Soundtrack a week ago. Suck it Spencer--I am cool!

Couple Headlines:

Rick Pitino rebuked the media for being "irresponsible." Yeah, the media's not responsible like you were when you cheated on your wife and paid for the woman's abortion.

Rick Pitino slammed the media. Guess he forgot that HE'S the sleazeball.

Madonna was booed on her tour for speaking out against Gypsy discrimination. At least it wasn't for her music this time.

Madonna's new cause is Gypsy discrimination? Are gypsies even real? I thought they were only in Grimm's fairy tales.

Thank goodness Madonna speaking out for a noble cause like Gypsy hatred. Think she'll adopt one now?

If I owned this in 1989 I'd have been cool?:

Next time: The wedgie story or the office fart. Which story would you like to hear? Leave your pick in the comments!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I'm Batman!

Part 1:
The year is 1989. I am in 3rd grade and Batman is THE COOLEST thing that has ever existed. I have the toys! I have the comics! I have the shirt! I even have the cereal! But something is missing, the soundtrack!
My mom often took me with her on trips to the store. Groceries were a weekly occurrence, every Friday to Cub Foods. About once a week we would stop by Big & Small Lots, F&M Drugstore, and Phar-mor.
(By the way, Cub, F&M, and Phar-mor are all extinct, and Big Lots dropped the "& small" from the name. Even the strip mall, Eastgate Consumer, in Indianapolis is dead an gone. Time to feel old?)
On one of these trips, I noticed a glimmer in the cassette tape section--yes, it was Batman! I had to have it! I beg my mother to please, please, PLEASE let me have it. She sees it is from Prince, and being the good Christian mother she is, I am denied. Instead I am given the Batman read-a-long comic book with it's own cassette tape. I see no difference. A Batman tape is a Batman tape. At least that's what I thought...

Now for a few headlines:

Brett Favre has decided to sign with the Vikings. He's out to break the record for most retirements in one season.

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has joined Dancing with the Stars. He's there to revitalize the spirit of the repressed Republican townspeople and get Rock 'n Roll back in time for the prom!

Paula Abdul is rethinking a return to American Idol. Who does she think she is, Brett Favre?

This is the only Batman movie my mom wanted me see:

Batman Soundtrack Part 2 tomorrow.