Spillin' the beans

So Levi Johnston's telling us all why Sarah Palin resigned: money. She wants money he says--lucrative book and TV deals.
Ummm Levi, shut up. I got news for you, we already knew that. It's not a real mystery why she resigned. The media might be pretending it is, but come on. Alaska, and the good people of, are not a big enough stage. She's tasted fame and she has no intention of going back to seeing Russia from her back yard. It's Dolce & Gabbana time. She's like a tiger that's tasted human blood, you have to put them down or they're coming for your kids.
We saw it just a few weeks ago. Sarah and her family blew a Letterman joke way out of perportion in order to get attention. She's coming down here with the rest of us whether you like it or not. And it'll probably be in prime time!

Now today's headlines:

Artie Lange was charged with a DUI this weekend. It's not shocking that he got caught for at DUI, just that it took so long!

Artie Lange was arrested on DUI charges. Give him credit, he continues to add to his impressive inebriation resume. Only thing left: passing out in a stranger's Brentwood living room... again.

Artie Lange made it clear his DUI charge was just research for his new book, "Too Drunk Fat Eat Slur Fish."


And for a good laugh call:



Tomorrow: How come rich people suck so much? Leave a comment today and I'll talk about it tomorrow.

Who's Right: Letterman or Palin?

If you don't know what's going on in the late night comedy/political crossover battle, here's a quick recap.

Abbi posted a comment yesterday: "Letterman was right the first time when he apologized with humor. Unfunny apologies are for funerals."

My spin? He's a comedian. He made a joke. Let's all get over it.

Here's a few replacement monologue jokes about the governor's family trip to Yankee Stadium:

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin, in the seventh inning her daughter was shot up with steroids by Alex Rodriguez.

OR

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, after being given an Alex Rodriguez her daughter had a choking fit because she mistakenly thought it was October.

OR

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin, because her daughter is such a huge A-Rod fan, Willow left her wife and kids for Madonna.

How about this, how about we treat women with more respect in general?

That being said, other things I noticed from the Late Show's first guest (who happened to be a woman) last night:

Michelle Pfeiffer looks amazing for 90 years old! What's that, she's 50? Oh, yeah still pretty good.

I'm having trouble falling asleep, Michelle would you mind telling us another story?

Michelle says, "I'm not joking." I say, "I don't think you're capable of joking, that implies entertainment."

Here's a great example of a story that had potential to be really interesting, yet somehow is made painfully mundane.

"She's going to tell a Scarface story about fighting for the part, getting fired, getting rehired, then slicing Al Pacino up with glass and spraying blood everywhere?! SNOOZE-FEST!"

Tomorrow: Is there a difference between the likes of Olberman or Limbaugh versus Bill Maher or Dennis Miller? Leave a comment now, and I'll address it in tomorrow's post.