Americans' Idol

First off, having "King" in your name or title is not a good thing. The King dead at 42. The King of Pop dead at 50. Original King of Comedy Bernie Mac dead at 50. Martin Luther King, Jr. dead at 39. King of the Jews dead at 33. King of Queens dead at 9 seasons. King of Kong's social life stillborn. Lesson to be learned? No.

So, who is the next world superstar icon?

Abbi writes, "Beyonce in 30 years. That is, if marriage and fancy restaurants don't make her tubby. In that case she's the next Aretha Franklin."

Sorry, Beyonce doesn't cut the mustard. "Why?" you ask. Because she got caught on camera falling down the stairs followed by some embarrassing headbanging. Icon? Not in the YouTube generation Sister.

My pick? Since Madonna, Obama, and Oprah are already icons they don't count. I say the next world icon is... Dane Cook. Don't think he's stopped at his domination of the comedy world. He's gunning for it all. Plus he's the King of Myspace.

Headlines comin' at ya:

A tape of LeBron James being dunked on by a college player has been confiscated by Nike. "Just do it... and we'll make sure nobody ever knows that you did."

Bill O'Reilly has issued a statement saying, "Michael Jackson is no black icon." Because when you think expert on black culture, you think Bill O'Reilly.

O'Reilly says MJ is no black icon. He followed that gem with, "Mexicans love Rush Limbaugh."

Mariah Carey apologized for her performance in Jackson's memorial service. Now if we can get her to apologize for "Glitter."

Let's see this one again:

Tomorrow: What is the greatest TV show ever? Make your suggestions in today's comments and I'll address them tomorrow.

Peter King, not cool dude.

So Representative Peter King thought, "Hey, Michael Jackson's death has affected a couple billion people: perfect time to rip him a new one."

Yeah, Mr. King (no, no relation to MLK--surprise surprise this one is whiter than a klansman's dandruff) decides it is perfectly acceptable to rip into MJ a couple days before his funeral because he thinks the entire world is making a mistake by "honoring a pervert." Yeah, there's no perversion in the political world. Watch, he's going to end up with little boys' bodies in his basement.

Oh lucky me, he's in New York and wants to run for the Senate. Maybe we should all reach out and let the congressman know exactly how much of a Peter he really is. I know I'll love voting against him... if he makes it that far.

Headlines:

Sylvester Stallone turned 63 this week. Ahh, a birthday for every Rocky sequel.

Fred Savage turns 33 on July 9th. Seriously, he's only 33? I swear he's been in show business for at least 34 years.

A teacher in Maine is in trouble for having a mock marriage to one of his 4th graders. Don't worry, marrying a 4th grader hasn't hurt Woody Allen's career.

Look for the new Fox show, "Are you married to a 4th grader?" this fall.

Abbi got me looking for this:

Tomorrow: Who's the next world Icon?

Filmy

There are always creative, hard working artists that find a way to express themselves via film. On the flip side, there are always Michael Bays.

My favorite movie is Rocky. I don't care what other people think of the film (good or bad), it's mine and hits me every time I watch it (The sequels are just plain fun!).

Now one thing that may have changed, is the American public has given up. Transformers 2 is on its way to being one of the biggest movies ever, yet universally panned! Just slapping an expensive piece of garbage up on a screen didn't work 15 years ago-- think Waterworld. We at least had a little discernment.

So get ready, cause here comes G.I.Joe.

Headlines below:

Sarah Palin resigns as Alaska's Governor. After returning home from her recent trip to New York she was heard saying, "Wait, why do I live in Alaska?"

Sarah Palin's resignation caused many to cheer. Don't get too excited, cause now she's coming down here with the rest of us!

Sarah resigned because she heard there was a void to fill on TLC now that Jon and Kate are on hiatus.

Brett Michaels' tour bus was involved in an accident this weekend. The bus was finishing, "Nothin' but a Good Time," when it was hit by a piece of the Tony's stage.

Brett Michaels' tour bus was in an 5 car pile up. The police report said, "It missed its mark."

Roger Federer won his 15th Grand Slam title this weekend at Wimbledon. When told this, the American public responded with, "Who?"

G.H. hipped me to this video in the comments in Friday's post. I loved it!

Tomorrow: Rep. Peter King rips Michael Jackson. Fair or Foul? Leave a comment in today's post and I'll address it tomorrow!

What Happened to the 80's?

My previous two posts got me thinking about the 1980's. It was a really awesome, fun, over-the-top decade, but what happened to it? A disproportionate number of stars from the day are gone, recluses, tragedy stricken, or straight-up crazy!

Let's just take a look at some of the 80's icons (seriously, I don't even have to write punchlines for these people; their names say it all):

Madonna

Mike Tyson

Tom Cruise

Michael J. Fox

Sylvester Stallone

Eddie Murphy

Cher

Farrah Fawcett

Van Halen (EVERYBODY in the band)

and the biggest star of them all Michael Jackson.

That's not even counting big, but not quite life-altering stars:

Patrick Swayze

Hulk Hogan

Mr. T

Kirk Cameron

David Hasselhoff

Nell Carter

Entire cast of Diff'rent Strokes

Isiah Thomas

Christopher Reeves

Bo Jackson

Sam Kinison

Andrew "Dice" Clay

Dudley Moore

Paul Ruebens a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman

Whitney Houston

Mel Gibson

It's clear Magic Johnson made a deal with the devil. If he allowed Earvin to continue living and become a business king, he would strike down all other stars from the 80's.

Is there one person who thought Prince would be the most normal guy from the 80's in the year 2009?

Headlines are here:

Kevin Jonas is engaged. First MJ, now this! I can only take so much heartbreak.

Kevin Jonas is getting married. Luckily it makes good business sense--his fiancee is Minny Mouse.

Don't worry, even though Kevin Jonas is getting married, he'll still make crappy music and star as a 14 year old in Disney Channel original movies.

GM told it's investors today to not buy their stock. Yeah, I think they probably got that message about 6 months ago.

GM says to not buy it's stock. Hey GM, if you're just realizing this NOW, it's no wonder you are bankrupt.

GM says "Don't buy our stock... Instead please, PLEASE buy our cars!"

And now a little video that I can't get out of my head:

Tomorrow: Health Care: What should we do? Leave a comment today, and I'll talk about it tomorrow.

Hollywood Loons

OK, we finally get through a day without someone passing away (keep your eyes pealed for the Thriller Killer though, he's still at large)!

Now we can get down to the business of talking about outrageous celebrity behavior. First off, I hate the TMZ culture. I don't care what's going on in an actor's private life, nor should anyone else. However, when someone makes themselves a public embarrassment I believe it is perfectly inbounds to poke fun.

Who do I choose as my favorite Hollywood breakdown?

The contenders: Mariah Carey, Margot Kidder, Charlie Sheen, Christian Slater, Robert Downey Jr., Christian Bale, Courtney Love, Andy Dick, Mel Gibson... wow, the list goes on and on.

My favorite of all-time... drum roll please... Tom Cruise. Why did I pick him? The Oprah couch, the Matt Lauer interview, the Scientology junk, it doesn't cease. He has done more to soil his reputation than any giant star since Michael Jackson. Once you enter that Thunderdrome of weirdness, you ain't never comin' back. On the plus side, there's no drunken/drug-induced dangerous behavior. There's no hateful speech to less powerful people. No racist tirade. Just good old fashioned PR nightmares.

Abbi wrote, "my favorite is when Martin Lawrence stopped traffic. Or Whitney's on-air phone call with Wendy Williams."

After seeing part of "Run-tel-da," it's pretty clear Martin's living in his own world--the land of referring to himself in the third person. Gotta love that he had a loaded gun in his pants at the time--he didn't pull a Plaxico Burress though.

I had to look up the Whitney phone call on YouTube. Am I the only person that didn't know Ms. Houston talks like a 90's gangsta rapper? I like that she's has no fear of publicity poison.

You know, it's kind of fun to see the celebrity breakdown. If you live your life believing you're more important than everybody else, you probably should have a very public shame session.

Headlines are here:

Al Franken has finally been named the winner of the Senate election in Minnesota. Just in time for his term to be over!

Michael Curry was fired as Pistons head coach after only one year on the job after they realized even MARK Curry was a better coach.

Tom Cruise turns 47 this week. Still plenty of good movie making years left, unless John Travolta needs a co-pilot on the spaceship to Mars sooner than expected.

Rumors are floating that Megan Fox is back with Brian Austin Green. The two met while he was cleaning her pool.

Here's a bit o' funny (i.e. let's not take ourselves too seriously):

Tomorrow: What happened to the 80's? Leave your thoughts in the comments and I'll talk about it in tomorrow's post.

Thriller Killer

In Friday's comments Jesse wrote, "I just read that pitchman Billy Mays died. Got one for that?"

OK, this is weird now. Billy Mays? I have a pretty rock solid theory: there is a celebrity serial killer trying to stop me from publishing the "Hollywood Stars Gone Crazy" blog.

After each post, I ask a question for the next day's blog. When the Celebs question was asked, the next Farrah Fawsett succumbs to cancer. I remain undeterred, so they hit me harder with Michael Jackson. They knew I loved him. I had to postpone the blog so I could write about MJ. Now it's Billy Mays. Whoever this killer is, they know my loves in this world: Michael Jackson and infomercials.

I beg anyone with information leading to the arrest or apprehension of this killer, please, PLEASE step forward!

I postpone one more day. If Reggie Miller or Rocky Balboa are found dead tonight, we know my "theory" is not just reality, it has become our national nightmare!

Headlines in the house:

Bernie Madoff was sentences to 150 years in prison, meaning he will be 221 years old when he is set for release. Hey that's prime years for an anti-Christ!

Transformers was #1 at the box office. Produce mindless, talentless garbage and slap a childhood reference in the title and 80's kids will buy anything!

US Soccer lost a close match to Brazil in the finals of the Confederation Cup. Because of their spectacular run through the tournament the team received the highest praise the American public has ever bestowed upon a soccer team: the disinterested sigh.

A fun way to remember Billy Mays:

Tomorrow: Celebrity melt-downs. Abbi has already left a comment that will be addressed. Add yours now.

Michael Jackson

We'll have to postpone the scheduled Friday post until Monday because the news of MJ's death is bigger than any other news story in awhile.

It just can't be real. That's our collective thought right now. Elvis has left the building. MJ has joined him. You don't get bigger than Micheal.

My Michael memories:

In elementary school, my friend Travis had the Michael Jackson LA Gear sneakers (far left in photo).

It was the late 80s/early 90s and it totally wasn't cool to have them. Travis received them as a gift and told everybody they were Michael Jordan's (cause they just said "MJ" on the shoe). Nobody bought it, but to be honest, I wished those were my shoes.

Black Or White debuted and it was overwhelming. Nobody missed the video, and everybody talked about it in school the next day. Great song, but that Macaulay rap lip-sync will always be extremely weird. And it only got stranger from there.

Blaring "Beat It" in my Dad's 1998 Sebring convertible with my friend Grant. This was around 2002 and to be honest, I felt really really cool.

When Scream premiered, I was in early High School. You'd never admit you like Mike, but EVERYBODY watched that video. Teaming up with his superstar sister--even the cool kids were excited.

Now some Headlines:

The news of Michael Jackson's death is tragic. Even worse, TMZ broke the news.

June 25, 2009 will always stand out as a sad day. Farrah Fawcett succumb to cancer, Michael Jackson passed away, and the Pacers drafted Tyler Hansburough. The tri-fecta of bad days.

An autopsy will be performed today to determine Jackson's cause of death. What we may never know is what killed that thing on Donald Trump's head.

Today while preparing breakfast I saw Michael Jackson in a piece of toast, Farrah in my coffee grounds, and Ed McMahon in Cash for Gold commercial in the break room. Is that weird?

Tickets for Michael's 50 sold-out concert dates have now tripled in price on EBay. Apparently some fans didn't quite understand the reports of his death.

James Brown: dead. Michael Jackson: dead. MC Hammer: new TV show. Good to know we still have one legend left.

And here's today's video, Michael Jackson's first TV appearance:

Monday: We'll do yesterday's question--Hollywood stars going crazy in public. Bring up your favorite celebrity breakdown in today's comments and we'll talk about it tomorrow.