Ohhh, that's what happened to you...

Seriously, this is the mascot for Saint Mary's:



Isn't that the guy from White Lion? So that's what happens when Hair Bands die, the members become college mascots or Reality TV "stars."

Was this EVER cool?:


PS. for a really poignant moment of the day, stare at that mascot pic while the music video plays.

Return of the Vick

He's out of the klink. The debate is on--should he be allowed back in the NFL.
YES!!! Of course he should! He spent 2 years in prison, he paid his price. People want him punished? Yeah,that's what that prison term was. Suspend him from football? That's like grounding a kid after you gave him the spanking of his life... I think he got the message already. By the way, Donte Stallworth killed a HUMAN BEING and got 30 days in jail. Yeah, I said 30 DAYS! That tells you American hierarchy. Pit bull killing is worth 24X larger sentence than killing a Mexican immigrant. Maybe PETA should lay off protesting chicken wings for a weekend and picket a little bit of that inhumanity.

Headlines below:

Amy Winehouse has been accused of assault. Many experts doubt this, considering if Amy punched someone her crack-riddled hand would break.

Brad Pitt doesn't believe in God. Really Brad? You're rich, famous, good looking, having babies with Angilia Jolie and you DON'T believe in God? What hope do the rest of us have then?

Brad Pitt doesn't believe in God, but his agent does.

Ouch, how much money did he leave on the table?:



Tomorrow: I'm always excited to listen to new comedy CD's. Anybody else? I'm talking about Todd Glass tomorrow.

Bo Knows!

Every kid has a favorite baseball player. Mine: Bo Jackson. Everybody knew his name, his look, his attitude. He rivaled Michael Jordan in coolness. We all wanted to be like Bo.
I had a Topps Bo Jackson rookie card (I'll tell you how I got it in next Monday's post). I told everyone on the bus I had it but when they saw it they laughed because it had frayed edges and wasn't "worth" anything. Trust me, it was worth more than a crisp card with straight corners. I took it everywhere and always wanted it in my pocket. Sure I could have kept it sealed in some container, but the joy came from knowing I had it and touched it and played with it. Funny thing, when he got hurt and his career was cut short, all those cards ended up being worth nothing anyway. Only the memories are valuable.

Abbi wrote, "Babe Ruth, for mastering the game before steroids were invented. Oh, and Lou Gherig too, for being eloquent, poised and brave in the face of illness. Oh and Joe DiMaggio, partly for being married to Marilyn Monroe but mostly for looking like Jerry Orbach. I loved Dirty Dancing."
Hmmm, do think it's telling that Abbi picked all white players, and I picked a black one? Maybe she never heard of Willy Mays or Jackie Robinson. PS. Way too many Yankees there. I hate the Notre Dame, Duke, the Yankees, and the Devil himself--in that order.

Headlines:

GM has already ended its bankruptcy. Don't worry GM fans, they be back to losing money in no time.

Dante Stallworth was released from Jail today. Michael Vick kills dogs-gets 2 years in prison. Stallworth killed PERSON while high and drunk and gets 24... DAYS! Welcome to America.

NFL wide receiver Dante Stallworth was released after serving 24 days in prison. He said, "I have learned my lesson. Prison is horrible. Next time, I'll hide the body."

Dante was released after serving 24 of a 30 day sentence cause 3 and 1/2 weeks is enough punishment after killing a man.

Jim Carrey is set to become a grandfather. Nothing we look forward to more than granddad talking from his anus.

Remember it?




Monday: Have a grandma memory? Put in today's comments. Monday I tell you mine.

The NBA Draft

The 2009 NBA draft takes place this Thursday night.

Drafting is like finding a wife at a college party. Most go for the one most appealing at the moment. While it sometimes works out, it usually ends in bitter disappointment because your expectations are too high. She's a flirt, gorgeous, and you can't take your eyes off her. You start dating, get married too soon, invest years and a lot of money before realizing that the relationship just isn't going to work out--All the signs were there! She's selfish, totally uncommitted to team play, and a terrible ball-handler.

And now to address yesterdays comments:

Abbi wrote:

How does the NBA draft its babymamas? Do they have to be young and small-waisted groupies, or old and frumpy high school sweethearts? And what's with going rogue and being a committed husband Tony Parker?

Lets break it down in layman's terms.

Are you physically capable? Are you a woman? Do you think I'm a god?

If you answered yes to zero or more questions, he's willing to make you a babymama regardless of looks, personality, age, etc.

As for Tony Parker-- he's married to someone more famous than he is. Maybe it's easier being faithful when you marry up... or maybe he has one of these Andrei Kirilenko deals worked out.

NBA Headline time:

Today the Nets announced a deal to finalize their move to Brooklyn and added, "We truly appreciate and thank you all for inviting us into your neighborhood, now get out and move to East New York!"

Dirk Nowitzki filled papers to gain sole custody of his unborn child he has fathered with ex-fiancee Crista Ann Taylor. Normally in the NBA you have at least 4 children with a fiancee before you dump them.

Kobe Bryant has won his 4th NBA title. Only 2 more to go--and as we all know: win 3 titles, commit a felony for free.

Shaquille O'Neal is one of the most popular celebrities on Twitter and tweets often. Hey, we'll take anything that keeps him from making movies and rapping.

And the number one pick in the 2014 draft is:

For tomorrow: Jon and Kate--What's your thoughts? Leave your comments here and I'll talk about it tomorrow.

Did Artie Lange kill on Joe Buck... or just kill the show?

If you don't know about Artie Lange on Joe Buck, see the video below.

HBO is outraged that Artie Lange "hijacked" Joe Buck Live and ruined the show. I've seen it; I don't think Artie's as hilarious as he thinks he was on the show. I don't think he deserves to be called out by the network or Mr. Buck.

Why, you say? Umm, you asked ARTIE LANGE on your show. It's on HBO. You tell him to do his thing. What exactly did you think was going to happen, he was going to come out and talk about his personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

He's a comedian that doesn't mind getting offensive and does it fairly frequently. I'm not exactly sure what the Joe Buck show is supposed to be, but I'm guessing they're not going for the Howard Stern type of audience.

If you don't want that, next time book someone like Craig Ferguson. He's hilarious, can keep a show alive when it's clearly on it's deathbed, and he won't offend your average Joe Buck viewer--HBO or no HBO.

OK, so now some headlines:

Because of his very public verbal gaffs, Artie Lange has just been hired by Joe Biden.

Because of his edginess, Artie Lange has been asked to appear on "The View" in an attempt to get into that exclusive "under 65" audience.

Joe Buck says he is now in favor of waterboarding, not to get information from terrorists but to shut up Artie Lange.

Because of his latest flap on Joe Buck Live, Artie Lange has been cancelled at the Promise Keepers convention.

After Artie Lange's appearance on Joe Buck's new show, even New Jersey is embarrassed by his behavior. Well not ALL of New Jersey, just the people that graduated from High School. In other words Steve is embarrassed.

Artie Lange's head has gotten so big it officially has been given it's own social security number.

Fun Artie Lange Story: A couple weeks ago I'm waiting to do a set at the Comic Strip and I run into Artie--well, I should say he ran past me without making any eye contact. He's with a lady who has a drink and wants to hang out at the bar a bit. Artie says, "No honey, we got to go. I don't want to be rushed by all the fans." Not one person came into the lobby for him! NOT ONE! They all stayed to watch the other comics that followed him, and they were an amazing audience. I had a great set! Funny thing, as soon as I got off stage I told Abbi, "No honey, we got to go. I don't want to be rushed by all the fans."

Monday: Schwarzenegger's testicle sculpture. Got an opinion? Put in in the comments now and we'll talk about it Monday.

Brett Favre Headlines

Brett Favre has decided to retire at the end of each game and un-retire the Saturday before the next. That way he can set the record for most retirements AND not miss Family Guy.

Brett didn't retire because he's tired of playing, he just loves going-away party cake!

Every time Brett retires he remembers why he keeps coming back to football: millions and millions of dollars.

Sure football is hard on the body, wears out the soul, and beats down your psyche but it's still better than being nagged about taking out the trash.

Even though Favre has broken nearly all quarterbacking records during his exemplary career, he keeps returning to pursue something that has eluded him all these years: breaking a hip on the gridiron.

Brett found out that his broadcasting future isn't as bright as he hoped. TV can only take one backwater redneck throwing around inane pregame commentary and Terry Bradshaw has that on lock down.

Favre wants to come back because he found out this out a couple weeks ago: when he gets hurt mowing his lawn, they don't carry him off in that cool golf cart.



Tomorrow: Palin or Letterman: Who's right? Post a comment about the issue now