Jon & Kate Plus Hate

So Jon and Kate are getting a divorce after 10 years of marriage and a hit TV show?

My response to this tragic news: Who cares!? Really, are we devoting our time to worrying about a couple that achieved fame solely from having a bunch of kids and showing their dysfunction to the American public? It's a soap opera starring real life people. Instead of wasting time on reality shows, maybe we should devote more time to enjoying REAL LIFE. (Just don't take away my American Chopper--who doesn't love watching those big lugs fight?)

And now it's headline time:

Shocking news, Jon and Kate are getting divorced. Also in "Who Cares News," Todd Bridges and his acting agent have decided to part ways.

Kate Gosselin says, "It feels like I failed." Uhh, yeah, that's because you did. When you say "until death do us part," and you don't do that, you have met the definition of failure.

The Gosselins are divorcing. They will continue to film and live together, however the show will now be know as "The Odd (and Very Uncomfortable) Couple."

If the Gosselin divorce spells doom for their TV show, another talentless couple ready to take their place: Spencer and Heidi Try to Graduate.

Kate Gosselin was quoted as saying, "We've become two different people." Who would have thought that fame, fortune, and the stress of eight children could possibly change someone?

And here's the news right from the horse's mouth:

Tomorrow: Governor Mark Sanford admits to an affair. What's your thoughts on improprieties in public office? Tell me in today's comments and I'll address them tomorrow.

The NBA Draft

The 2009 NBA draft takes place this Thursday night.

Drafting is like finding a wife at a college party. Most go for the one most appealing at the moment. While it sometimes works out, it usually ends in bitter disappointment because your expectations are too high. She's a flirt, gorgeous, and you can't take your eyes off her. You start dating, get married too soon, invest years and a lot of money before realizing that the relationship just isn't going to work out--All the signs were there! She's selfish, totally uncommitted to team play, and a terrible ball-handler.

And now to address yesterdays comments:

Abbi wrote:

How does the NBA draft its babymamas? Do they have to be young and small-waisted groupies, or old and frumpy high school sweethearts? And what's with going rogue and being a committed husband Tony Parker?

Lets break it down in layman's terms.

Are you physically capable? Are you a woman? Do you think I'm a god?

If you answered yes to zero or more questions, he's willing to make you a babymama regardless of looks, personality, age, etc.

As for Tony Parker-- he's married to someone more famous than he is. Maybe it's easier being faithful when you marry up... or maybe he has one of these Andrei Kirilenko deals worked out.

NBA Headline time:

Today the Nets announced a deal to finalize their move to Brooklyn and added, "We truly appreciate and thank you all for inviting us into your neighborhood, now get out and move to East New York!"

Dirk Nowitzki filled papers to gain sole custody of his unborn child he has fathered with ex-fiancee Crista Ann Taylor. Normally in the NBA you have at least 4 children with a fiancee before you dump them.

Kobe Bryant has won his 4th NBA title. Only 2 more to go--and as we all know: win 3 titles, commit a felony for free.

Shaquille O'Neal is one of the most popular celebrities on Twitter and tweets often. Hey, we'll take anything that keeps him from making movies and rapping.

And the number one pick in the 2014 draft is:

For tomorrow: Jon and Kate--What's your thoughts? Leave your comments here and I'll talk about it tomorrow.

The Gift

So, Governor Schwarzenegger (seriously, will that ever sound like a real life thing) got in some hot water this week when he sent Senate President Pro Tem Darrell Steinberg a metal sculpture of bull testicles. Steinberg sent the gift back with a "terse note." Whoops, most folks just don't seem to have a taste for testicles no more.

Bottom line: how about we all lighten up a bit. Are these serious issues? Sure, but there will always be serious issues in the world. Let enjoy life and have some fun even while doing worthwhile work. Politicians need to stop with the whole, "Let make someone feel bad for daring to joke around."

Now, some headlines:

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's gag gift of a sculpture of bull testicles was rebuffed by Democrat Darrell Steinberg. Steinberg said he felt weird being the only democrat with balls.

Schwarzenegger's gag gift sculpture was given back when State Senator Steinberg realized that although the first set was free, he was now enrolled in the "Nuts of the Month Club" and thus obligated to purchase 11 more pairs.

Although Darrell Steinberg appreciated Arnold's gesture, he knew he'd only have to give them to his ex-wife in the divorce settlement. Per the agreement, she receives any testicles he possesses or ever will possess.

Darrell Steinberg was disappointed his sculpture was smaller than Sarah Palin's.

And just for some pure enjoyment:

Tomorrow: The NBA draft. Any thoughts? Leave a comment and I'll address it in tomorrow's post.

Did Artie Lange kill on Joe Buck... or just kill the show?

If you don't know about Artie Lange on Joe Buck, see the video below.

HBO is outraged that Artie Lange "hijacked" Joe Buck Live and ruined the show. I've seen it; I don't think Artie's as hilarious as he thinks he was on the show. I don't think he deserves to be called out by the network or Mr. Buck.

Why, you say? Umm, you asked ARTIE LANGE on your show. It's on HBO. You tell him to do his thing. What exactly did you think was going to happen, he was going to come out and talk about his personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

He's a comedian that doesn't mind getting offensive and does it fairly frequently. I'm not exactly sure what the Joe Buck show is supposed to be, but I'm guessing they're not going for the Howard Stern type of audience.

If you don't want that, next time book someone like Craig Ferguson. He's hilarious, can keep a show alive when it's clearly on it's deathbed, and he won't offend your average Joe Buck viewer--HBO or no HBO.

OK, so now some headlines:

Because of his very public verbal gaffs, Artie Lange has just been hired by Joe Biden.

Because of his edginess, Artie Lange has been asked to appear on "The View" in an attempt to get into that exclusive "under 65" audience.

Joe Buck says he is now in favor of waterboarding, not to get information from terrorists but to shut up Artie Lange.

Because of his latest flap on Joe Buck Live, Artie Lange has been cancelled at the Promise Keepers convention.

After Artie Lange's appearance on Joe Buck's new show, even New Jersey is embarrassed by his behavior. Well not ALL of New Jersey, just the people that graduated from High School. In other words Steve is embarrassed.

Artie Lange's head has gotten so big it officially has been given it's own social security number.

Fun Artie Lange Story: A couple weeks ago I'm waiting to do a set at the Comic Strip and I run into Artie--well, I should say he ran past me without making any eye contact. He's with a lady who has a drink and wants to hang out at the bar a bit. Artie says, "No honey, we got to go. I don't want to be rushed by all the fans." Not one person came into the lobby for him! NOT ONE! They all stayed to watch the other comics that followed him, and they were an amazing audience. I had a great set! Funny thing, as soon as I got off stage I told Abbi, "No honey, we got to go. I don't want to be rushed by all the fans."

Monday: Schwarzenegger's testicle sculpture. Got an opinion? Put in in the comments now and we'll talk about it Monday.